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2002-12-22 - 1:16 p.m.

hey whats up? sorry i haven't written in a while. i've been busy with christmas shopping, wrapping presents, doing lots of stuff. so yeah. but lets see. on wed. me and Erich got together and well i'm sorta thinking were going to fast cuz well i was just being sorta flirty and just gonna see what he was gonna do so i started to play with the zipper on his pants and then he was like what trying to unzip them and i was like i dunno i'm just playing. and then he did the same to me and he was like well what do you think would happen if i went down here and then he started to finger me and yeah it felt good but we've only been going out 2 weeks. and then after i was finished, we started on him. i gave him a blow job. it was kinda weird. i mean it was disgusting but i know he enjoyed it. and so that made it less bad i guess. i haven't told anyone about what we did. i don't know if he did. but yeah its just i dunno i started to think we're going to fast. i mean we've only been going out 2 weeks. i dunno. and i'm scared b/c now that i'm in Iowa, Jake keeps calling me and i know he wants to get together and i don't wanta do anything with him cuz i could never hurt Erich but also i wanta be with Jake. i mean i know its stupid but i dunno part of me just wants to be with him and even though it will hurt Erich. and i know that i would do something with Jake if we hang out to long. i just don't trust myself with him. i wanta avoid him cuz i DON'T trust myself with him. and it scares me cuz any time he wants to do something so do i. and if i had known before me and Erich started going out i woulda put off going out with him so i could sorta fool around with Jake while i was here. cuz i mean i sorta believe him this time it may be stupid to believe him but i dunno i do. and yeah. part of me does believe were soul mates and that we'll end up together cuz i mean we've been like in love since we were like 12 and we still both like eachother and were 16. i mean its weird. i dunno i may be talking crazy. ok bye bye. Merry Christmas!



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